Decision & Indecision

I've had an incredibly busy time the last couple of weeks.  From preparing for the Derbyshire Open Arts to going down to London to pick up my painting from the Vibe Gallery to helping organise an Arts Trail in my own town and make some work to show at for it.  I have also taken on the job of co-ordinating a Well Dressing design for another local festival. I'm also trying to get fit by running which is also producing some artwork.

This has left my head in a bit of a spin with the realisation of several things I don't like doing. 

My major discovery is that I don't like selling face to face to the public. I'm far too shy and introverted to enjoy approaching strangers, I can do it, but the emotional effort is just too much and leaves me feeling thoroughly exhausted.  I also find it disheartening and does not help my fragile self esteem.  Even though over the Open weekend, I had some fascinating conversations with people, I still find the overall anxiety too much.

I am not a confident person and am constantly plagued with self doubt, so having to sell directly to people does not do me any favours.  I'm aware that this is true of a lot of creative people.

So I decided to investigate another possible stream of income, by looking into the greetings cards industry.  I've been making doodley cards and have a friend who used to have an agent for selling her designs and I'm meeting her for coffee next week for some advice.

Another way could be to find some commercial galleries to sell my original paintings, the challenge being, having to contact them and talk to them. Again, emotionally challenging for me to get over that initial shyness.  This I find rather difficult.

I feel I have come to a point of making some decisions.  To continue trying to make a living within the creative industries or to get a job and just make for my own enjoyment and therapeutic needs.

I've been continuing with the One Drawing a Day book, so here is a couple of my latest drawings, just to relieve from the inner monologue which has just expressed itself.

Dye & Bamboo Pen with Ink.

Maybe Asleep, Oil Pastel & Onion Dye.

River Derwent, Oil Pastel & Bamboo Pen with Ink