Saturday, 12 November 2011
Working in the Studio means life is easier and more fluid. It means no travelling and no childcare costs, it means being close to school and on hand if anyone is poorly. It means being able to go and see Gold Badge Awards and going on local walks with 30 children.
It also means being very disciplined. Saying No to a cup of coffee at the school gates, not agreeing to pop into town for a browse of the charity shops but taking yourself seriously and valueing the time between the demands of being a mother. I'm still learning this discipline.
My main struggle is when the children are home, the ideas flow and the dreaming about the next painting or the next bit of creative writing, or the next mosaic dance around my brain with letters, colours and pictures and I'm usually well organised enough to scribble these ideas down....
However, when the week begins and school uniforms are washed and dried, homework is done, and stories read, I often just collapse in a heap. I spend a lot of time thinking and not doing.
This leads to me feeling rather miserable and frustrated which leads to a non productive day such as yesterday, which in turn leads to the circle of depression which is enhanced by being unmotivated. I then find myself in a spiral which can just get worse throughout the day, I speak less and become very introspective.
On the other hand, being in control of my work time means I can just grab the dog lead and head out over the fields, lifting my mood in time for the school run and before you know it, I'm laughing on the school yard with other parents and cheerful children are coming out to meet me, demanding to be fed. We can then skip off happily home to play a game and I can let my imagination dream and plan my next time the house is silent of shouts, laughter and distraction.